I don't believe in Sensible Shoes.

I found this out this week, at a random job interview, where the senior VP (of apparently bad taste) came to out to interview wearing light purple tapered pants, a dark purple shirt and VIOLET MOTHEREFFING SENSIBLE EASY SPIRIT SHOES. Violet. Really.

Allow me to post the transcripts of my internal monologue (my thoughts in Bold, actual spoken word, italicized):
Hmm... Nice waiting room, poor use of the color lime, but it is okay, I can handle this v. room without screaming

Okay upstairs, you will be meeting with Senior VP ______ (name withheld to prevent litigation, we will call her Senior VP Ugly Shoes)

Upstairs, not horrible. Good lord, why is that woman wearing such high pants, and are those puffy painted flowers on her blouse... okay maybe she is a temp

Hi, I am _____, VP of Ugly Shoes assistant. She will be with you in 10 minutes.

Okay, don't get judgy, just because she has puffy paint on her shirt, no judging.... be strong. GOOD GOD why puffy paint? okay stay firm, stay the course, look at your cute Enzo stilletos, you will be okay... make no direct eye contact with the puffy paint, might look weird

Hi, I am _____, VP of Ugly Shoes. Follow me

Lord, all the purple, it is like barney came in and threw up on her. Clubbed her over the head and said, now you are my dinosaur bitch. Where does one even find those shoes. And really why not flats. Flats are cute. Nordstroms had a sale. Okay, where do I look. up. no. down, NO. settle for the middle distance.... try and look ethereal. intelligent. wait. HOW CAN I DO THIS, I can't interview with a person of this poor a taste. it is an affront to all I believe in. maybe I should drop an Instyle advert on my way out. Guerrilla war tactics... start changing out the front magazines. I could make a difference in the world. One person at a time... I wonder what she is saying... something about filing is that...

Yes, I know how to file, in fact, I love my label maker.

Great, who says they like their label maker.. .old people that is who, old people who wear sensible shoes. Is that a SCRUNCHIE around her wrist. A purple scrunchie. Where does one even buy those? How, why, where. And how do I get out of here. I can't do this... I can't work here. She might make me wear scrunchies... then I will be in Naturalizer looking for the same shoe in beige (goes with everything!) I feel myself getting less sexy by the minute... I need an escape route. Focus, this job could be great. Sure, you would be misrable, but no one said work wasn't miserable. If you pretend that this is 1995, all these fashion no's become fashion YES. Okay she is introducing me to someone...

Hello, I do love this purse thank you.

That chick had BROWN EYELINER ON HER MOUTH... NO. NO. NO. I just can't do it I have to go. I am getting hives. I wonder how I will say no when they offer me this job... uh. Yeah, I hate your sense of style... P.S. Lime is an accent not a main color... too much. Too West Hollywood. Just keep your head down, finsh strong... focus



So concludes. Masterpiece Meh Theater. Needless to say. I will not be working there.

Please return to your regularly scheduled activities.