Victimized....
There has been a fairly recent phenomenon in the life o' me: The Creepy Kiss.
Let's define the creepy kiss for the newbies, I have this friend and lately he has been doing weird things when we say hello and goodbye.... He leans over and kisses me on the cheek, but not clearly on the cheek, more like the corner of the mouth or worse the NECK, for an extended period of time and it is sloppy and a little wet... Can I just say EWWWWWWWWWW.
Look, I am not against the kiss hello for greeting, I have a Puerto Rican roommate and that is common greeting for everyone, I am not even necessarily against the, quick kiss hello on the mouth, greeting (which is how many many of my college friends greet each other); provided I know and like you well enough to trust you aren't going to shove your tongue down my throat and you aren't slobbering. But I am against, the misleading, really passive aggressive, cheap shot that is the creepy kiss.
But this blog is not just about bitching (okay, maybe it is, but whatever)it's about helping the American People (see Posts Below, and yes, MAYBE I DO enjoy gross exaggeration, sue me) So I have composed a tidy list of 5 things that are and are not okay when giving the kiss o' greeting. This list is a guideline and may vary subtly from person to person, but it is pretty solid from where I stand:
1. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving should normally last a Jiffy, which for the record is an acutal measurement of time 1/100th of second (thank you NASCAR Floozy) and NO MORE. Otherwise it is a little couple-y and completely inappropriate for "hey what's up" situation.
2. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving (K o'G/L) should be on the cheek.... THE CHEEK. Not near the lips, not on the neck, or the nose. If when you are leaning in for the kiss o' greeting/leaving and I turn my head without BACKING AWAY... that means you permission for a quick kiss on THE CHEEK. There are VERY VERY FEW people who can get the K o'G/L on the lips (you knowwho you are, and thus far we have had no problems, thank you very much), but in case you were wondering the K o'G/L on the Lips should be no longer than a JIFFY it is like the forty yard dash, touch down and go.
3. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving should be a dry kiss, not a dry crusty kiss rather a quick "no slobber" kiss. This means your lips shouldn't be chapped or wet. Okay.
4. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving requires a level of trust and frankly affection, if we aren't friends enough for me to call you fairly regularly, we aren't close enough for you to be giving me the Kiss o' Greeting. This means you, strange friend of friend, friends roommate or newbie hanging out. You are authorized to give the official headnod of "hello" or maybe the "see you later" fist bump.... THAT IS ALL.
5. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving is a Privilege not a Right. Okay. It is not something that is okay for every girl/girl, guy/girl, guy/guy combination and it is not necessary for every hello and goodbye. And be aware of people who maybe in relationships for which this greeting makes there other half uncomfortable. It is a special thing that only some friends get to do, friends that you are especially close to, kind of like-- "love you" which should only be used for people you are pretty good friends with.... use it liberally, and you will be a healthy person, use it to often and you get hurt....
In Closing,
ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FORREST FIRES.
What!!! It's an important message... and I need to actually work at this job I have, so I needed a quick out.
Let's define the creepy kiss for the newbies, I have this friend and lately he has been doing weird things when we say hello and goodbye.... He leans over and kisses me on the cheek, but not clearly on the cheek, more like the corner of the mouth or worse the NECK, for an extended period of time and it is sloppy and a little wet... Can I just say EWWWWWWWWWW.
Look, I am not against the kiss hello for greeting, I have a Puerto Rican roommate and that is common greeting for everyone, I am not even necessarily against the, quick kiss hello on the mouth, greeting (which is how many many of my college friends greet each other); provided I know and like you well enough to trust you aren't going to shove your tongue down my throat and you aren't slobbering. But I am against, the misleading, really passive aggressive, cheap shot that is the creepy kiss.
But this blog is not just about bitching (okay, maybe it is, but whatever)it's about helping the American People (see Posts Below, and yes, MAYBE I DO enjoy gross exaggeration, sue me) So I have composed a tidy list of 5 things that are and are not okay when giving the kiss o' greeting. This list is a guideline and may vary subtly from person to person, but it is pretty solid from where I stand:
1. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving should normally last a Jiffy, which for the record is an acutal measurement of time 1/100th of second (thank you NASCAR Floozy) and NO MORE. Otherwise it is a little couple-y and completely inappropriate for "hey what's up" situation.
2. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving (K o'G/L) should be on the cheek.... THE CHEEK. Not near the lips, not on the neck, or the nose. If when you are leaning in for the kiss o' greeting/leaving and I turn my head without BACKING AWAY... that means you permission for a quick kiss on THE CHEEK. There are VERY VERY FEW people who can get the K o'G/L on the lips (you knowwho you are, and thus far we have had no problems, thank you very much), but in case you were wondering the K o'G/L on the Lips should be no longer than a JIFFY it is like the forty yard dash, touch down and go.
3. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving should be a dry kiss, not a dry crusty kiss rather a quick "no slobber" kiss. This means your lips shouldn't be chapped or wet. Okay.
4. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving requires a level of trust and frankly affection, if we aren't friends enough for me to call you fairly regularly, we aren't close enough for you to be giving me the Kiss o' Greeting. This means you, strange friend of friend, friends roommate or newbie hanging out. You are authorized to give the official headnod of "hello" or maybe the "see you later" fist bump.... THAT IS ALL.
5. The Kiss o' Greeting/Leaving is a Privilege not a Right. Okay. It is not something that is okay for every girl/girl, guy/girl, guy/guy combination and it is not necessary for every hello and goodbye. And be aware of people who maybe in relationships for which this greeting makes there other half uncomfortable. It is a special thing that only some friends get to do, friends that you are especially close to, kind of like-- "love you" which should only be used for people you are pretty good friends with.... use it liberally, and you will be a healthy person, use it to often and you get hurt....
In Closing,
ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FORREST FIRES.
What!!! It's an important message... and I need to actually work at this job I have, so I needed a quick out.
posted by Shanelle at 9:13 AM
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