Insert Clever Title Here
So my name is _______ (ha! stalkers, never!) and I have bad taste in men.
Everyone: "Hi _______"
It all must have started somewhere in the 8th grade with my crush on the school hottie Travis. I knew he was just a flirt. I knew it was going to end badly. I totally did not let that stop me from listening to insipid boyz to men albums and dreaming of him asking me to the dance. He never did. What he did do is send me notes, wave to me from the hallway on M,W, TH and every other F, and generally flirt then ignore me. This, my friends, started me on the path to ALWAYS finding a way to want boys that I can't have, are bad for me, or who generally just have a love for ALL of womenkind as opposed to you know, just one. (As an aside, for journalistic integrity, I must point out that by the 10th grade... Travis was ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL about me, unfortunately I was into another unattainable [well attainable yet fickle] man Matt [who probably spawned my love of the Patriots by being from NE and who liked me and didn't like me depending on the week, ah HS I hated you.)
13 years later, I have almost the same danged problem. No, I am not hung up on a man I can't have (well maybe I am a little bit but not in that dedicate songs, be all depressive way or even that proactive, I will get his attention if it kills me kind of way, mostly in that, wow he is so awesome, sigh, never going to happen kind of way... Tom Brady does that to a girl. Stupid Gisele, she can't just be one of the most beautiful women in the world, she has to date one of the hottest men in the world as well... selfish!)
I just can't seem to bring myself to like the man I should really really like. Like the boy is ideal, good family, good looking (i.e. I am attracted to him), smart, nice, sweet, caring, we get along etc. And yet.... NOTHING. I can sit there with him and be all "meh-y" about it... like maybe we kiss, maybe we don't... whatever. And it is not fair, because I am really really trying here, I want to want him. Honestly. But I just can't. And that is why I am defective, I have all these craptacular guys who just want to touch me inappropriately and I finally find a great guy and I am all... MEH.
SON OF A MOTHERFRACKING MONKEY.
MEH.
It's a curse.
*****************
Wait, it's a bird, it's a plane, NO... it's a non-sequitor, everybody DUCK!
*****************
To my mother's chagrin, I am a football fan. I kn0w this bugs her, because if she calls me during games she gets this "mom, football, are you dead, great, no bye," and she calls back to say "why, why WHY do you like this inane sport?" All season long.
I don't even know where it came from, probably from a boyfriend in the past, but I am a FAN. I watch the games on Sunday, I read the sports section, I have a player I love and teams I back in the NFL and college.
But I recently came to the conclusion, I was still missing something in my NFL fandom. A team I hated. You can't truly have a team you love, if you don't have a team you hate.... right, otherwise you can't measure the depth of the emotion correctly. Never one to not recitify these problems immediately. I am proud to announce the team of my ire: (DRUMROLL)
The Dallas Cowboys and/or the Indianapolis Colts
Well, I get Indiana (The blog hates all things Indiana) but why the cowboys, you say?
Well while the Cowboys had somethings going for them, a coach, Bill Parcells, that my favorite coach (Patriots --Belichick) had previously mentored or something and a better location than most teams (see Indiana) and in theory excellent color choices for their uniforms (Navy, which I look good in) and Silver (Also, look good in.) They preformed poorly for having a complete chump for a manager (as a communications person, I don't like his interview style), their uniforms are fugly, the QB is merely okay looking and I think there cheerleaders are not cute. These are the things we here at the blog judge our teams by; and the Cowboys failed us misrably.
Plus, our friend Ben (he is a redskins fan) and the Ex (I have no idea why, I think it has to do with the early nineties or some dude named troy) hate the Cowboys, since I call them the most often to get clarification of football rules, they are owed some loyalty. And because no one suggested any other teams for me to despise, I had to go with what I know.
So let this be a declaration of intent to hate the Cowboys and the Colts irrationally and completely for the next few seasons. Sure my fanatical rantings of how awful they are won't make sense (since I don't know anything about the teams), but I believe in embracing these things to really fill out my fandom. Look out world.
For the record, the hatred spot for College is already completely filled with my irrational despisement of Notre Dame... any team that declares itself God's team and is actually in INDIANA deserves my hate. So here is to no bowl wins in 10+ years and counting.... HA.
Everyone: "Hi _______"
It all must have started somewhere in the 8th grade with my crush on the school hottie Travis. I knew he was just a flirt. I knew it was going to end badly. I totally did not let that stop me from listening to insipid boyz to men albums and dreaming of him asking me to the dance. He never did. What he did do is send me notes, wave to me from the hallway on M,W, TH and every other F, and generally flirt then ignore me. This, my friends, started me on the path to ALWAYS finding a way to want boys that I can't have, are bad for me, or who generally just have a love for ALL of womenkind as opposed to you know, just one. (As an aside, for journalistic integrity, I must point out that by the 10th grade... Travis was ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL about me, unfortunately I was into another unattainable [well attainable yet fickle] man Matt [who probably spawned my love of the Patriots by being from NE and who liked me and didn't like me depending on the week, ah HS I hated you.)
13 years later, I have almost the same danged problem. No, I am not hung up on a man I can't have (well maybe I am a little bit but not in that dedicate songs, be all depressive way or even that proactive, I will get his attention if it kills me kind of way, mostly in that, wow he is so awesome, sigh, never going to happen kind of way... Tom Brady does that to a girl. Stupid Gisele, she can't just be one of the most beautiful women in the world, she has to date one of the hottest men in the world as well... selfish!)
I just can't seem to bring myself to like the man I should really really like. Like the boy is ideal, good family, good looking (i.e. I am attracted to him), smart, nice, sweet, caring, we get along etc. And yet.... NOTHING. I can sit there with him and be all "meh-y" about it... like maybe we kiss, maybe we don't... whatever. And it is not fair, because I am really really trying here, I want to want him. Honestly. But I just can't. And that is why I am defective, I have all these craptacular guys who just want to touch me inappropriately and I finally find a great guy and I am all... MEH.
SON OF A MOTHERFRACKING MONKEY.
MEH.
It's a curse.
*****************
Wait, it's a bird, it's a plane, NO... it's a non-sequitor, everybody DUCK!
*****************
To my mother's chagrin, I am a football fan. I kn0w this bugs her, because if she calls me during games she gets this "mom, football, are you dead, great, no bye," and she calls back to say "why, why WHY do you like this inane sport?" All season long.
I don't even know where it came from, probably from a boyfriend in the past, but I am a FAN. I watch the games on Sunday, I read the sports section, I have a player I love and teams I back in the NFL and college.
But I recently came to the conclusion, I was still missing something in my NFL fandom. A team I hated. You can't truly have a team you love, if you don't have a team you hate.... right, otherwise you can't measure the depth of the emotion correctly. Never one to not recitify these problems immediately. I am proud to announce the team of my ire: (DRUMROLL)
The Dallas Cowboys and/or the Indianapolis Colts
Well, I get Indiana (The blog hates all things Indiana) but why the cowboys, you say?
Well while the Cowboys had somethings going for them, a coach, Bill Parcells, that my favorite coach (Patriots --Belichick) had previously mentored or something and a better location than most teams (see Indiana) and in theory excellent color choices for their uniforms (Navy, which I look good in) and Silver (Also, look good in.) They preformed poorly for having a complete chump for a manager (as a communications person, I don't like his interview style), their uniforms are fugly, the QB is merely okay looking and I think there cheerleaders are not cute. These are the things we here at the blog judge our teams by; and the Cowboys failed us misrably.
Plus, our friend Ben (he is a redskins fan) and the Ex (I have no idea why, I think it has to do with the early nineties or some dude named troy) hate the Cowboys, since I call them the most often to get clarification of football rules, they are owed some loyalty. And because no one suggested any other teams for me to despise, I had to go with what I know.
So let this be a declaration of intent to hate the Cowboys and the Colts irrationally and completely for the next few seasons. Sure my fanatical rantings of how awful they are won't make sense (since I don't know anything about the teams), but I believe in embracing these things to really fill out my fandom. Look out world.
For the record, the hatred spot for College is already completely filled with my irrational despisement of Notre Dame... any team that declares itself God's team and is actually in INDIANA deserves my hate. So here is to no bowl wins in 10+ years and counting.... HA.
posted by Shanelle at 12:04 PM
3 Comments:
Hmmm-Cowboys and Colts? Perhaps this is a subtle (or not)and inconcisous dig at your mother's horse fandom..... Ahhh well.
And for the sake of the blog reader's it's true. I tried to raise her right(i.e. to hate football in womanly fashion). But she still loves a game in which grown men stuff their bodies with pillow pads, chase a ball that is not ball shaped, and jump on eacher in the rough approximation of a pile of dog doo! And don't get me started on the whole "first down" thing when we all know the balls been "down" 10 or twenty times!
Oh and thanks so much for correcting the spelling errors.....NOT!
I response to the first portion of this blog, regarding liking those that are unattainable and not those in reach. I have the exact same problem, have for years.
Jack
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