We Are So Over, We Need a New Word for Over.
Well officially, I am DONE with John Mayer. Surely, I know my fandom means naught to the man, but we are definitely OVER OVER. I accepted that absolutely nonsensical article about smoking pot in Rollingstone, I feel I dealt fairly well with the greasy homeless look he has been cultivating over the last year, John-boy, I embraced the live album where you butchered the Police, I gave you a good rotation on the IPOD, defended you from your detractors, never mocked the self-serving, oft-trite "Waiting on the World to Change" (tell me, what the hell have you done to make the world a better place as you were off finding yourself with a bong, a pipe and several illegal substances)
In essence, I have been a very supportive fan. Granted I never erected web pages in your honor, or spent any money going to a concert... but I did actually purchase your albums on Itunes, which should count for something.
But this... this is ridiculous. Jessica Simpson. J.Simp, she of chicken or tuna, she of an entourage whose sole purpose is to make her look good, she of "I can't remember the words to 9 to 5", she who makes Paris Hilton look like a Rhodes scholar, she of the "I totally don't believe in plastic surgery," whilst she cues up for another lip injection ("I don't know, it must have been the hormones/stress/blah blah blah that made my lips grow")
You have carte blanch to date/makeout with/sleep with, almost anyone and you pick the SUBPAR SIMPSON SISTER. The subpar, dumb Simpson sister. This is something I can not abide. I could have hung with almost anyone and everyone but J.SIMP. Hell naw.
So, it's over, I have removed you from the playlist, you are booted from the IPOD top 25, and I will mock you with impunity, unless you come to your senses, then I reserve the right to take you back.
A tip however, if you must date random hot blonds, I suggest flipping through Maxim and making your selections from there... upgrade my friend. It's all the rage for 2007, "upgrade to a chick with a brain."
In essence, I have been a very supportive fan. Granted I never erected web pages in your honor, or spent any money going to a concert... but I did actually purchase your albums on Itunes, which should count for something.
But this... this is ridiculous. Jessica Simpson. J.Simp, she of chicken or tuna, she of an entourage whose sole purpose is to make her look good, she of "I can't remember the words to 9 to 5", she who makes Paris Hilton look like a Rhodes scholar, she of the "I totally don't believe in plastic surgery," whilst she cues up for another lip injection ("I don't know, it must have been the hormones/stress/blah blah blah that made my lips grow")
You have carte blanch to date/makeout with/sleep with, almost anyone and you pick the SUBPAR SIMPSON SISTER. The subpar, dumb Simpson sister. This is something I can not abide. I could have hung with almost anyone and everyone but J.SIMP. Hell naw.
So, it's over, I have removed you from the playlist, you are booted from the IPOD top 25, and I will mock you with impunity, unless you come to your senses, then I reserve the right to take you back.
A tip however, if you must date random hot blonds, I suggest flipping through Maxim and making your selections from there... upgrade my friend. It's all the rage for 2007, "upgrade to a chick with a brain."
posted by Shanelle at 3:25 PM
6 Comments:
It's all the rage for 2007, "upgrade to a chick with a brain."
love it :) hope the guys are listening.
In Paper, Rock, Scissors; Paper beats Rock, Rock beats Scissors, and Scissors beats Paper. I like to think of life as Tits, Brains, AIDs; where Tits beats Brains, Brains beat AIDs, and AIDs beats Tits.
Sorry Magic Johnson.
Nate... officially, I am confused.
Does this mean you think Mayer is smart for getting with Tits over brains or that he is going to get AID's.
Danger Ranger WHAT??
I have no thoughts one way or the other on Mr. Mayer.
I'm just saying that guys like hot girls. Hence Tits beating Brains, but Brains can beat AIDs so Brains can achieve the whole 'success' thing, and that can be a turn on too. To be on the safe side a girl should have both Tits and Brains, but not AIDs, cause I'm pretty sure that cancels the others out. The moral is, don't get AIDs.
Oft times, you strike a chord in me with your Brains.
I say we start an Ad campaign:
"Dudes like Hot Chicks and Hot Chicks with Brains... so don't get aids"
Totally more successful than those this is your brain on drugs ones.
http://www.dangerrangermarketingfirm.com is available.
Your slogan would be perfect for a "The more you know..." commericial.
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