John Mayer Blogs Jessica Simpson.

And I laugh my ass off.

First off sweet Vindication. There truly is a J.Simp Curse. And never has it been more clear than during that Dallas loss this weekend.

There are several highlights to this blog by John Mayer (who I think is very talented and I am sure is celebrity nice [not to be confused with regular nice as it is typically more narcissistic and false], and I am sure he meant the nice things (re- was slightly inebriated and/or feeling magnanimous) when he wrote this, and blah blah fluckity blah)

DON'T EX WITH TEXAS

Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,
This isn't a sports blog, and it isn't a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.)
This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind.
I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don't really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I'm betting emotions are running high right about now.
All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It's one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don't try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn't be able to, but it's less work for all involved.)
I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I'm out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday's worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.
JM

Well, I am convinced. AMERICA, let us adopt J. Simp and make efforts to make her feel better (I wonder, where the America Cares for Jess Fund, should go...) but before I do...

A few notes:

*This loss is ALL on Mr. Romo, honestly the week before a post-season game, where you choked last year, MAYBE... you spend time reading the play book and spend less time frolicking for photographers. However, if you are gonna go frolic for the photogs, you make damn sure you win. (See, Brady, Tom. His ability to dump pregnant actresses, switch to Victoria's Secret Models, and still stay America's Golden Boy, probably has to do with his ability to win.... and maybe his ability to be commandingly good-looking)

But really, nobody can really have been surprised at the backlash, unless you haven't read a newspaper in like, I dunno, a few years. You wanna play celebrity. Deal with the perks and the crap. ALSO, what the FLUCK is wrong with celebrities, you claim you don't want to get photographed and then you go to quick lunches in Beverly Hills and Hollywood, try living in GLENDALE or PASADENA or going to places where photogs aren't gonna hunt you like a rabid dog--- spare me your "I am super surprised that photographers are HERE on Robertson, I mean, who could have predicted that one other than every grocery line reader of US Weekly.

** Ahem, Mr. Mayer. The guy who has the least to gain from this is probably NOT gonna be a fellow celebrity with a blog. I could also be wrong on this, perhaps a contest on who has the least to gain from this... but PERHAPS, if people (re: you, Mr. Mayer) would just leave things alone, instead of I DUNNO bring it up on a well-read celebrity blog (You, KNOW that blog is gonna end up on Perez or Faded Youth or whatever, just because you wrote it!) after the fact, it would probably fade quickly.... what with Britney losing her mind on a daily basis, I am sure people would have something else to talk about.

*** There is no negotiating with Rabid Sports fans... If they blame Simpson, they are gonna blame Simpson, maybe she will just suck it up like a big girl, and accept that all people, EVERYWHERE aren't gonna lover her. Who freaking CARES. Since I assume, this blog took Mr. Mayer, 4 minutes to write, I won't point out that that 4 minutes could have been used to use his "celebrity" to raise money or awareness for actual causes, like Cancer or AIDS or World Hunger...okay, maybe I will. AIDS, CANCER, HOMELESS, how about tossing those blog writing efforts over that away, Mr. Mayer. No? I guess you have a point, I mean why help the needy, when you sir can be busy saving the J.Simp from her long (ahem, 1 day) national nightmare of being unloved in Texas. (insert, sarcastic eye roll here)

**** The funny: her love for Texas is so great, she took a QB that she already knew had PR problems from her attendance at the Eagles Game, down on a quick vacation a few days before a play-off game to a city where CELEBRITIES ARE FREAKING KNOWN TO FREQUENT, WHERE PHOTOGS ARE KNOWN TO WORK AND THEN HAS PUBLIC OUTINGS. Conspiracy Theory: She secretly loves the Houston Texans and is using her powers of destruction to bring down the Cowboys from the inside.

***** Also, we should be nice to her cause she loves Texas? WTF. How about lay-off her cause it isn't her fault her boyfriend couldn't do his job, that is probably more legit. Is Mr. Mayer afraid they are gonna revoke her Texan Card, are all the Dallas Fans gonna put up wanted Dead or Alive posters. Please.

****** (this is a lot of asterisks) But My Favorite Part is: Her defining personality trait is a "love for Texas" How. Freaking. Interesting. This says a ton about her personality doesn't it, please people don't remember her for being kind, loving, a good listener, an excellent l cook, a christian, a good reader, talented. NO. Remember her, cause she likes Texas. Special.

Strange things about me.

What.
Yes, I have nothing relevant to say.
Yes, this is a self-absorbed post.

It's a blog. Deal.

1. I like mini reeces pb cups, but don't like the big version and won't eat said big cups. This mini candy thing also applys to snickers bars, love the mini, hate the full size.

2. I don't like cream cheese on sweet bagels, but do on onion, garlic or plain bagels.

3. I *HATE* wrapping presents. 99% of the gifts I give out, come in gift bags.

4. My Ex, got me the Patriots 3 Superbowl wins on DVD for my birthday and I even though I love the Patriots, I can't bring myself to watch the dvd's

5. I currently have a pink tea kettle, a pink coffee carafe that travels and a pink gym bag, I should probably mention, I don't really like pink.

6. In the past year, I have found myself on accidental dates at leasat 3 times. Accidental dates area when you figure out about, eh, halfway in that "hanging out" was really code for date.

7. I LOVE scones. Plain ones, but get irritated when people try to give me maple, chocolate or otherwise dessert like scones.

8. I have eaten at Panera 3 times in the past 6 days.

9. I seem to attract guys between the ages of 20-25, but NONE in the 27 age bracket... strange.

10. I have never done a drug, but I sometimes think it's because the economics involved. I mean, come on, I can buy shoes or drugs. Shoes win EVERYTIME.

11. I like reading blogs and message boards better than cnn, bbc and/or latimes online. I think MSM often gets the news ALL Wrong... and get it later than the blogs do, funny, since I have a B.A. in Journalism.

12. My best friend from HS, talk like once a year, but she still cracks me up and we still do the same thing we did 9 years ago, eat chips and drink diet coke, and then make fun of daytime television then bitch that we are getting fat and decide to do approx 2 runs up her stair set and collapse.... never change Mich! NEVER CHANGE.

13. I only wear ankle socks, INLESS it is nighttime, then soccer socks are okay.

14. I only use white hangers, and can tell if my roommate has been wearing my clothes based on if any hangers are off colored at all.

15. I will not eat American cheese. In fact, the only orange cheese I will eat is sharp cheddar. I also will not eat iceberg lettuce, it is a useless "vegetable" and I refuse to buy it.

Because I got a million questions about this

For those who keep asking for the recap of the my chats with the boys, the convos went remarkably like this:

"jaaaaaaaase, he sucks and I don't understand why he gets to be happy first, shouldn't he still feel guilty"
Jase- "Huh, boys don't feel guilt like that, compartmentalize baby, you can do it besidesyou are still pretty, and you didn't pull anything crazy on him, you are awesome, don't worry about it, you have great boobs, definately marriage worthy"

"but. I am so mad"

Jase- "that's just cause you are jealous, besides, you don't want that dude, he sucks--- I don't like him, and you can't date people I don't like.."

"but jaaaaaaaaaaase."

Jase- "you know what, from now on, I am just gonna have an interview process before guys can date you, if they pass the credit and personality checks, you can go get coffee with him.... this will save me time"

"like the F.B.I?"

Jase- "right except scarier... I should TOTALLY market this idea"

"Fine, but I get to vet the your girlfriends"

Jase- "sure, but you like Jenny"

"true, if you dump her, I might actually kill you"

Jase- "fair enough, but let the record show, I never actually "date" crazy people like you do. I do spend fun weekends making out with them, you could try that, but I think your mom might kill me"

###

Me- "I am irrationally rage-filled right now"

J- "so, still a girl eh."

Me- "Shut up, he has no business being happy before me"

J- "You're being silly just go back to being happy for him, and happy for you, I PROMISE the next guy will be better.... now come help me build an ark... I hate rain"

Me- "okay, but we must have comfort seating"

J- "And porn."

Me- "you are so weird"

I wish I believed in Karma. Or why I am experience delayed Rage.

So. I have whole periods where I forget that the whole issue with the Ex happened, and just remember he has always been one of my best friends.

Then I get phone calls from our mutual friends (who don't know about the train wreck) about how great he is to the new girl, and how new girl is SUPER SUPER THE BESTEST EVAAAA and his happy happy life now--all I can think is wow,now that I have less of a presence in his life, everything is just cupcakes, and roses and blah. And. I . Get. Mega. Pissed. I mean, cause I was nothing but kind, supportive and fun during a hard time in his life.... and he took that and threw it away like it was trash... which is where the anger comes in.

Pissed enough to hope this new girl, does to him, what he did to me. Which is SO. NOT. GRACE. LIKE. (I said, I forgave him so, I will FORGIVE HIM dang it. even if I am forgivng DAILY until 2009) I usually have to force myself to go work out for a minimum of 1 hour before I can calm myself down back to a zen moment of "okayity." Then I can say a short prayer for The Ex and move along.

But today was one of those days, that I wished Karma existed and it would come back and get the ex. I guess, I have no reason to want it, esp. since karma is a vicious cycle that will eventually get everyone, so it would only hurt me long term. But, I wish he felt as bad and stupid like i do, when I consider, I thought he really cared about me. I hate feeling stupid, I hate feeling like I should have known better and I HATE HATE that I didn't do anything wrong, I was just me and that wasn't good enough. Me, is not good enough. So I hit the gym for some much needed circuit training, and then 30 minutes of the stairmaster, 20 minutes of eliptical and 10 minutes of biking. (yes, I am a gym-junkie) It (plus one long bitchfest with JASE and J.... I love my boys*) brought me back down.

I think the delayed rage comes from fear. Even though I don't want to be with the Ex and I do look forward to the day when we can just go back to being us (which we do v. well when we talk on the phone or see each other and do horrible when we are not. The fear that *I* will never find someone, whilst the boy who treated me not so nice (not actually mean, but not so nice either) will have the perfect relationship with the girl he picked over me. The perfect life, the perfect relationship, the perfect anything, and I will just be the stupid girl he thought he cared about but was actually just using as a placeholder until something better came along.

Uh. I think I need to go back to the gym. Thank god for 24 hour fitness.... all hours for working out baby. I am feeling a run on the treadmill... tommorrow I will be more grace-giving, just as soon as I run it off today. (I have, however, lost 5 pounds of fat and gained 3 pounds of muscle.)

Happy 2008 All.

Addendum--Please DO NOT be confused ALL... I do not want to be with my ex... any guy that would throw me away once would do it again and I am not a glutton for punishment... but really, I should have mattered a *little* bit more than the way it all went down.