Q/A with ME!

Ah... some of you may have noticed, I have stopped publishing comments on the blog.. mostly because I kept accidentally deleting the emails on my new entourage program. So to make it up to my loyal, funtastic readers... I have taken it upon myself to answer five of the deep, well thoughtout questions that were thrown to me this week!

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Lets get the piviotal must answer questions out of the way.

Q: Now that the Patriots have been accused and convicted of cheating, will you still support the team? (various people EVERYwhere)
A: A valid question, I mean the blog hates cheating. Well, techincally the blog doesn't so much hate cheating as despise those stupid enough to get caught. If you are going to do something stupid, we expect, nay demand, you do it well. But when considering this question, I asked myself several questions but the most important one was: Does Tom Brady still look like this--


Yes. Well then-question answered. I am not leaving that anytime soon.

Q: How can you love Tom Brady, he knocked up his baby mama, and then DUMPED her for a Victoria's Secret model? (Jody, Poolside)
A: Thanks, Jody, for bring up a tough period in my Tom Brady love... but I ask you consider this:
Ah, shall we just consider this question is answered. No? Okay, here is the thing. No man should have to resist a Victoria's Secret model. I mean, I can't really fault him there. You must always ALWAYS protect your man from running into a Giesele or Adrianna, those greeks knew what they were talking about when they refered to Sirens.

Q: Is that a real conversation with your mom? (Nicole, IM)
A: Yes, for the most part that is an exact conversation with my mom; who has a freaking homing device for when I am watching a football game. My mom is a genius when it comes to teaching, cultural references, dance and tribal drumming (yeah, I know weird) but put her in front of a tv that is playing a sporting event, she has the attention span of a 2 year old. well maybe not the attention span (those babies can FOCUS on Dora the Explorer), maybe the interest of a 2 year old... or the interest a straight man shows when you start discussing: shoes, makeup, the girl in the cubical next door, etc?

Q: How if your mom hated football, did you ever get into it? Also, do you know your Tom Brady love scares me slightly. (one of the boys)
A: College, my friend. Nothing gets me interested in a sport faster than a hot man. I lived in the dorms for athletes my freshman year.... which meant every person I hungout with was an athlete, and consequently meant, everyone I dated was an athlete. While I learned quick, college football players are bad bad news (<--- SEE THIS NICOLE... I have my eyes on you... no touching the football players!) I kept that football love alive. You can thank my boys for that. I had to watch or be interested in because that is what Jase would do on the weekends. On that note--- Go DUCKS!

Q: Was your roommate drunk in that call? (Wilson, lunch)
A: Yes, she was drunk, we don't regularly call each other at 3 a.m. esp, since we live like 15 feet apart. But that convo is often what ish gets said at our house. Case in point- The roomie's career plan before lesbian club go-go dancer was to be a dog photographer and/or a capri sun tester. These plans always seem to be announced late at night, which says to me... I NEED to start turning my phone to silent.

And now a message from my roommate

3:00 a.m.

Phone
Me- "uh, wha, who... lo?"
Roomie- "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, Hi. I wantchu to know something. I have made a decishun"
Me- "huh, are you dead?"
Roomie- "I decided I am gonna be one of those go-go dancers at the lesbian dance club. Show those bitches what they can't have!"

BWAHAHAHAHA, you know you wish you lived here!

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P.S. Welcome Back Football season, I have missed you.
P.S.S. Football update: Tom Brady, still one SEXY SEXY MAN.
P.S.S.S. NEW Update- Brett Farve also one sexy sexy man!

SUPER BLOGTASTIC!

Well. I am 27 now. I am not going to lie, so far, so GOOD.

BEST BIRTHDAY PARTIES EVER!

Special thanks to Luz, Skip and JP for hosting what I have fondly begun to call FESTIVUS 07'

Today we have a bit to cover on the blog, so bear with me... it is gonna be a long post.

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So, has this ever happened to you?

You decide to go see a chick flick for a friends birthday, you know the usual... and off you wander to get popcorn and drinks with the hapless husband somewhat commandeered into the movie. You're starving so you order the large popcorn and drink and you wander back into the movies that is filled with many many middle aged and older women prepping for a beautiful movie about Jane Austen... smiling you turn to your friend gesturing with your popcorn... and as she opens her purse (perhaps she needs a napkin or wants to contribute to the popcorn fund) and then she takes out

an ice cream cake?


No, just me then... nice. lovely.

She (and in this case the she is Luz) also had, plates, forks, candles and a serving apparatus... NO. I have no idea where she got a bottomless purse but I need to get me one of those.

We decided it might be odd to light the candles...which is a case in point of how my friends are all freaking insane and AWESOME. And Steph blew out the fake candles and ignoring all the strange looks from the elderly around us, we all ate cake!

But I must admit, the highlight was after the movie after arguing with Luz about putting a melted ice cream cake back into her purse... she was for, I was decidedly against. Ha. I won! I was carrying the box out to the trash (I mean really what where they going to do, throw me out?) I ran into the theater usher... and he looked at me and using my power of quick wit (I am totally famous for it here) I said: "I found it!" (perhaps famous is overstating my quick wit) and he replied "ah, of course." with a nod... as if to acknowledge, in fact, there were often giant cake boxes found in the theater... and they were just grateful, I carried it out.

And that folks was Thursday.

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And now --- Actual Conversations I have had with my Mom.

Scene: my apartment mid-afternoon.
Phone Rings;

Me- "Hey mom"
Mom- "hi honey, what are you doing?"
Me- "watching opening weekend for college football" (SIDENOTE hahahahahahahaha Notre Dame... BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Suck it Indiana!)
Mom- "But why, I thought I raised you better than that."
Me- "I gotta go mom, call you in like 8 hours when the games are over"

I send a quick text message to Scott... that says... "Appalachia... WTF"
To which he replied "seriously" (hahaha, I LOVE THAT RESPONSE... see blog title)
and resettle to watch the WSU game... whilst flipping to mock Notre Dame (I always stay focused!)

5 minutes later

Phone Rings
Me- "Hi Mom."
Mom- "Hi, I am watching the football now too! it is Oregon"
Me- "cool what is the score and what quarter are you in"
Mom- "I don't know... hold on... okay honey, the score is I don't know...hold... I think they are in the first... the tv says 1st and 10"
Me- "no. mom, that means they are at first down, who has possession"
Mom- "is that when the first person falls down... I don't know honey... I think the red team"
Me- "mom, first down is..."
Mom- "oh, no...they fell on the guys head... get up guy... oh.... this is why this is a bad sport.. I don't see why they have to fall on each other"
Me- "mom, each time a team gets the ball they get"
Mom- "now they are kicking it, where are they kicking it, yay they caught it... hooray.... i thought they threw the ball in football"
Me- "4 tries to take the ball 10 yards and each time they go 10 yards, they"
Mom- "I wonder where they are playing... they have Oregon painted on the grass. does this mean the football game is in oregon"
Me- "get to start there 4 tries all over again"
Mom- "they should have to paint the other teams name on the field. it seems so unwelcoming"
Me- "mom..."
Mom- "now it says 1st and 15... what does that mean"
Me- silence, crickets..
Mom- "this is so boring... I wish good tv was on... but I can tell people I watched the football"
Me- "mom, when people say anything about football and you need to contribute... just say. Can you believe Applacian U. beat Michigan and then nod"
Mom- "oh, are they playing football there too."
Me- "mom, I gotta "
Mom- oh, they are kicking the ball again.... oh no, he fell down, I hope that boy is okay, honey, bye"
Me- "go, I will call you after the games"

Good Grief, I might as well been explaining the theory of relativity... she just completely ran over anything I said... my head hurt more at the end of that conversation than after my final exam in advanced political theory...

and seriously, that was an actual conversation I had with my mom... almost verbatim or as best as I can remember 2 days later. The fact I can identify what a football is should be considered an act of god.

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Tomorrow: Birthday the Recap
Fun, Games, Slip and Slide and one permanent injury later... how I celebrated 27!