A Roll in the Hay with Wilson

Innuendo Abounds!! And before anyone says ANYTHING… this blog is actually about our trip to the Corn Maze this past Saturday night.

So if you are reading this blog, you probably know me well enough to know, when I want something I can be determined as ALL hell in getting it. And what I have wanted to do for the last 3 Halloweens is go through a freaking corn maze. In fact, I have been so determined lately, I may have accidentally pissed off Benn, JM, Leanne, the Ex and assorted other friends as I bugged them to come with me to the corn maze (come on guys, you know you still FLOVE ME…I’m pretty…uh or something… love me, damn it, I just wanted to play children of the corn field of dreams or something)

I was determined to go… so on Saturday night, I called Wilson, and was like “hey lets go to a movie” but when I got to his house, I sprang…”how bout the corn maze instead!!” Bait and Switch, baby, BAIT AND SWITCH…. Fortunately for me, Wilson really really loves me, and is willing to go along with my strange ways. Merrily along we went. Well more merrily along I went, dragging Wilson along behind me…(LOVE YOU, WILSON…)

So we go out to Woodland Hills, to experience the magic… the first thing we do is go on a hayride. Hayrides seem like a good idea, but seriously, hay is kind of prickly, and sticky and we may have had a drunk college student driving us, because we flew all over that thing, it felt more Six Flag ride, than lazy hayride, in fact, I kind of felt a little violated after it was over… then we faced the horror spectacular, that is high schoolers out late on a Saturday night.

Aside, there is nothing NOTHING more annoying than high schoolers, with the exception of the 6 that I like at church, they are all hormones, and skinny jeans, and time wasting and stuff. Critically Annoying. Perhaps they shouldn’t be let out of the house till they are I don’t know 18 and can do something useful…. Like go away to college. I would like to note, I was NEVER that annoying.

We stood in line behind them for 45 minutes, as they giggled, tossed there hair and generally annoyed the f*&k out of me. The worst part was that it started with 2 highschoolers in line and by the time they all got done at the window, I SWEAR to bob, there were 17 kids there.… when we finally got to the front window to buy tickets… yeah, the corn maze line was an hour long. HA… I may be determined, but I am also easily distracted and very easily bored…so we decided to go to the fall festival instead. Where we ate fresh kettle corn, looked at huge pumpkins, ran to the top of a hay mountain, petted random ponies, talked and wandered all over. Then we went and got tacos and burgers and sat and listened to music in the car. It was a great Saturday Night.

And I still haven’t been through a corn maze!

P.S. I got a Crock Pot for my "hey, you got a job gift" from Peter and Stephanie, I will be cooking up a storm this week. I am taking requests, if you want me to make you something.

Sweet Fancy Moses. TOP SECRET BLOG!!!

11:15 p.m.--As I type this, the roomie is standby at the doorway in our pitch black living room looking for visual on the cops that we just sent next door. I, of course, am on audio and recording this occasion for, for well our lawyers if we are killed by our slightly manical neighbor.

This ish, is scary.

Okay, so how did it all start. 10 p.m. tonight, I went to bed early… tomorrow is a busy day at work and I was tired. When a mere 10 minutes after bedtime my walls started rattling, and not in a ohmygod earthquake kind of way, more in a o’holy CRAP someone is getting beat next door. Girly girl that I am, I immediately call my roomie over to check to see if this was a mere argument out of control or if we had some sort of crisis on our hands. She crept in to my room and we listened at the window and walls. When the neighbor started discussing knives, and gangs, it was time for a little PD accion.

For the record, I and my roommate may have just fallen in love with the cop sent over, because he showed up with a “who the FU*K are you talking to like that,” and a door beat down with the night stick… it was straight up, SEXY. He had us, for real, at “your not in charge, I’m in fu*king charge” yeah… le swoon.

As we crept around the living room, discussing midgets (what else to talk about in a crisis) , and which boys we knew could come over to keep us safe (yeah…if this happens again we are so calling you) we knew this was some SVU like crap… in fact after a few moments of silence, we sent up slight prayers that the cops hadn’t been stuck in a closet.
And we decided to stay away from the door.

As of right now we have turned off all the lights and tv for safety( I have no idea how that actually makes us safe) and are huddled by the computer. It gives off a nice subtle glow. We hope these people move soon… frankly they have to go, they have ruined our castle like ambiance.

Send us good mojo thoughts.

And by the way, parents, we aren’t moving, our rent is way to dirt cheap… if we wanted something equally as cheap we would have to move to Inglewood, which just augments the issue.

P.S.S. Sometimes you just have to find the funny in the scary... this blog by no means endorses domestic abuse or mocks the situation our neighbor is in... frankly we had to calm down, funny helps... it really was loud and scary. We are okay, just slightly overtired and nervous.

Blogaversary and a correction

First a correction: I was watching Ultimate Fighter on Spike not Ultimate Fighting Championship... I say my points still stand.

Moving on....
Happy Blogaversary!!! (Throws streamers in the air)

I am accepting gifts, if you were wondering. And as is our tradition here on the ol'blog, I am going to share 5 things you may or may not know about me. Enjoy or don't. Whatever.

1.I keep birthday cards. I have a stack of the ones I have recieved in the past couple of years from LA friends, every year I re-read them and tie the new ones into the bunch with a red ribbon...

2. As a child, I had an imaginary friend. And he had an imaginary dog. And an imaginary single dad.... I don't remember, but I think I was trying to set my mom up. What can I say, I had those love connection instincts even back in the day.

3. I sing along with every song I know in the car and in the house, this is complete with shimmy's and pantomime. I do a killer Counting Crows, and a stellar Britney.

4. My favorite food growing up was hot dogs, mash potatos and cheese... BAKED. Nasty the things kids eat.

5. Swings make me VERY happy. Something about gliding through the air just makes you want to laugh and makes the day better.

The Gentle Click-Clack of the Walk of Shame

O’ Walk of Shame. You remember the walk of shame don’t you; you know you did it in college. Nothing says rough night faster than last nights outfit, yesterdays hair and somewhat questionable makeup. It happens to the best of us.

In this case, by the best of us, I mean my roommate (all those who know my roommate, she already approved this blog for your reading, so it is okay to laugh, it is all in good fun, she is, of course, permitted to guest blog to get me back!!)

I got the pick-up call at 10:00 am, after I had already called her to make sure she wasn’t dead. Here is an excerpt of that conversation.
Me: “hey! So your not dead… great”
Roomie: “yeah,”
Me: “I thought you went to XXXX, usually you come home”
Roomie: “uh do you think you can pick me up at station X sometime”? (Roomie is an EMT, so she was at an abulance bay station)
Me: “what happened, are you okay, how the eff did you get to X, never mind, I am leaving now, how do I get there”

So I pick her up, and we go through yet another one of the great moments in roommatehood, the recap, which in our house is considered a must-do hence the reason we live in the VAULT of SECRECY and she got to pre-approve the blog, jellus?

Apparently, she got what my grandmother likes to call tipsy and the rest of the world calls drunk and found a co-worker to take her to her office to crash out, A testimony to her drunkhood since it would have been easier for them just to bring her home. Along the way she managed to DD her boyfriend (DD = Drunk Dial… aside, friends don’t let friends dial while drunk, it is probably how most modern wars have started) we still aren’t sure if they broke up. Boyfriend, if you are reading this, and I know you are, you faithful reader you, she says she loves you and call her!

After swearing never to touch the devil’s juice again, pffft...the rommie swears of the juice every 3 months, we decided to go get some breakfast at Whole Foods.

You know I have been partner to many walk of shames, but this is the first time I have seen anyone decide that 10:30a.m. is the appropriate time for a salmon and rice bowl and some pesto pizza.

I am sure we made quite the picture of delight. Me in my pink and red snowflake pj’s, baseball hat and flip flops, her in last nights outfit, complete with snakeskin stilettos … clutching a giant bottle of water like a life vest on the Titanic. Stumbling towards the kitchen of whole foods... Along the way, i managed to insult to pizza making man by trashing his newest creation, buffalo chicken pizza (NASTY) and the roomie managed to make the entire japanese kitchen area jumpy by snapping at the chef... NO Veggies... NONE, two or three times.

Partners in Crime

What can I say we are a weird household?

Cheers!!!

Things I learned from Ultimate Fighting!!

This week, I got a wee glimpse into man world and ladies it is uglier than mom jeans and colored crocs (for real....who invented those, unless you have to go take a quick prison shower or you are under the age of 10, you don't wear brightly colored plastic shower slippers out of the house!)

My glimpse into manworld came from my foray into watching UFC, Ultimate Fighting Championship, which probably could be called when men turn into 7th grade girls only bigger and meaner. The premise of this TV show is a bunch of guys live in a house and work out, then at the end of the week they beat each other up... uh, I know jigga what, but it makes for EXCELLENT t.v. They have all the best characters, the some what angry black guy, the whinny baby, the insecure man, the trash talker, the crazee manb@#$%... UFC may have just dropped into my top 10 favorite t.v. shows!!

Without further ado, the list o' things I learned from UFC:
1. Men are catty as hell living together. You think sorority girls got it bad, try having 10 dudes live in a house... they are bringing up stuff from years ago, "remember that time, I beat you senseless", "10 years ago, marc looked at me cross-eyed, and I WON'T let him underestimate me." Then they smile over protien shakes and trash talk in the common room as they try and out lift each other.
2. For Men, trash talk is a fine art, a sport if you will... they focus with the intesity of a woman putting on mascara, in a car, during a tornado.
3. There is a reason that speedos went out of style... because NO man looks good in one, super fit of not.
4. The WWF kids are wusses... for real, if you watch one hour of UFC you will leave with the firm knowledge "The Rock" was nothing but a punk with an excellent eyebrow waxer.
5. Fights are not pretty, and they don't sound like fights in the movies... it is alot more thuding and groaning.
6. Fighting is less Bruce Lee, and more bearhug bearhug, break...bearhug, bearhug break.
7. Wrestling makes your ears scary looking
8. Foot stomping utterly okay... bit*& slapping is rude
9. They really do say "let's get it on" heeeeee...
10. And Finally... UFC confirmed to me men are the gentler more forgiving sex, really... you don't see a chick in a cage beating each other senseless and then drinking afterwards... girls can hold a grudge!!! sure we might smile at you, but secretly, oh secretly, we are plotting how we can convince you that mom jeans and crocs are your look...thereby stunting your dating life indefinitely.

Good stuff.

I need a nap. (A random blog of questionable funny… I SAID I need a nap)

As all of you know, I started a new job this week in Pasadena. For the sake of my anonymity should one of my co-workers stumble upon the ol’blog, I will not name the organization. But I think I have been out of the work loop for a little while, because apparently, it is now COMPLETELY acceptable for your co-workers to act like they just got loosed from kindergarten class.

I have a co-worker, we will call him G, who is cool and everything, sort of a renasiance man, he handles everything from Admin help to general operations management. He is good at what he does. But for real, 36 hours into the job and he has taken all sorts of sarcasm liberties with me. Everytime, he opens his mouth it is to let loose some quasi-smart sarcastic comment, as a sidenote, his sarcasm is PATHETIC… I hang out with boys whose quick wit is so well known that I have to actively watch what I am saying because they catch everything and have no hesitation at using it against you, for weeks, months, years!!! Meh. I feel like I should, I dunno, act hurt of something so he feels like he is doing something right. Most days, I just push back and that usually stuns him into silence.

When VENDORS attack.

Moving on, today I went to my first board meeting, complete with marketing committee meeting recommendations… great times. UNTIL, a crazed event employee broke into the meeting. My boss is mid-sentence over proposals to change the website content… when this women wearing entirely bad outfit, con VPL, starts ranting about how she is good at fundraising and technology and art etc, and how she is all about creating equality for women etc. Which would have been fine if she hadn’t been shaking with nervousness like a caffeine addict jonesing for there next moccahino. It was like watching a traffic accident, you want to stop and help but you are awe struck by the horror of the moment. If you are going to interrupt a board meeting with several millionaires and business owners, at least OWN that crap…

After she stopped mid-sentence and started laughing slightly manically, I think it trulywas in our best interest to remove any sharp objects from her immediate access and adjourn the meeting.

Pros to this situation: No matter what I suggested, I was going to look more sane than that chick… so in essence she made me look like a fantastic hire (thanks crazy girl)

Cons: All the board members ran out of the room so fast, I didn’t get to pitch any of my ideas….maybe that’s a pro to.

Saving the World, One Disturbing Trend at a Time!!

I think everyone has a thing, for example(s) my friend Jase’s thing is to date girls who are super forward and move super fast with him, and then get bored with the same ol’ girls who don’t challenge him. The ex’s thing is to shut down and stop caring about arguments, agreements or anything that is going to change the flow of an emotional conversation. J loves girls who act like they don’t like him, and then as soon as he gets them to like him, he acts like a distant jerk, he also FLOVES the crazy. I even know a girl M, who falls in like, out of like, and into extreme dislike, BEFORE meeting the guy.

And, as you probably recognize some of those initials from the post below, you know that I KNOW these boys, I have known ALL of them for more than 5 years, and throughout least 2 major relationships. So I have no problem, calling them out during conversations, when they are bitching. But this month, I made the critical error. I forgot those boys know me pretty well too. And I SET MYSELF UP for the calling out of a lifetime. I should clarify that while I am equally good friends with J, Jase and the ex… none of them knows each other, which makes this all the more painful.

So I am talking to J, via text as we are apt to do, and I am all “well, see you always love girls that don’t love you or girls that act absolute insane Bit*&s, it’s your thing, if you just quit, then this won’t be a problem” wham, I know, sweet baby Oprah, she has figured out his life in one fell swoop, why doesn’t she have a show?

Do you know what he sends me back “well, at least I am not every guy on earth’s buddy, and I don’t constantly like peeps who don’t notice me, if you just started sticking up for yourself and cutting the crap you wouldn’t have boy problems, you are pretty enough to not be every guys platonic girl buddy,” DAMN… nailed to the wall like Luther’s thesis.

Scoreboard says: J: 1, Me : 0

Not that, I was going down without a fight, a fight to prove J wrong, I immediately called the ex (the more sympathetic of my boys) and subtly (well maybe not so subtly) asked if this was true and he gave me the hard truth “forget the like people who don’t notice you thing, most people I know notice you, I do know, it does seem like an awful lot of guys want to be your buddy.” And I knew it was true, when Jase’s response was “hahahahahahaha, yes. Hell yes”

I have heard that I had buddy syndrome before, but I thought I had combated the disease. And that is what it is, a danged DISEASE, it’s like I contracted it somewhere (I am thinking College) and haven’t lost it.

For the newbies, I am going to define the parameters of girl buddy. A girl buddy, is a non-sexual, non-attracted to chick that you hang with in between relationships. “one of the guys,” if you will. The girl that you spend a great deal of time discussing the girls you actually are attracted to with. The girl that when people ask you what about her, you scoff, meh, she’s cool and everything, but she’s like one of the guys. The Joey Potter, (season 1) to your Dawson Leery, the Xander to your Buffy, the Tina Fey, to the entire cast of SNL. Every girl you hangout with whom you aren’t dating is not a buddy… there are such things as girl (space) friends. But honestly, it is a fine-line we tread.

Nevertheless, I am all about self-improvement. As of right now, I am nipping buddy syndrome in the bud. Not that I have any idea how, but at the next sighting of a buddying, I am running for the hills or I am making out with him just to stop the madness (ahem, if I am already your buddy of several years, it’s too late, for real Wilson… I still love you though) Otherwise, I am going to be 40, with 9 cats, several pairs of sensible shoes and 50 GAGILLION BUDDIES.

Cues “Gone with the Wind Soundtrack”: As God is my Witness, I will never be buddied AGAIN! (shakes lip gloss at the sky) Cresendo

And SCENE.

My Boys Friggen Rock.

A Public Announcement:

J, Jase and the Ex. I freaking love you.

You handle all my random crap; still love me despite my absolute neurosis at times. And you manage to bring me back from a breakdown in reason, regularly, AND still make me feel good about myself. Impressive.

Plus, You offer me such wise gems such as:

“Boys are boys, we are simple, take what goes on in your mind and take away all the inane deep feelings you think we are having, add a splash of logic and smidge of we want to touch you in inappropriate manners and you have what the boy is ACTUALLY thinking.” Jase, August 2006 (You have no idea how many times this has brought clarity to my life, people!!!)

**AND**

“You are confused kid, one girls hotness does not negate another girls hotness. One can think the girl next door is hot, and still want Adrianna” (James, July 2006) For Reference, he was talking about Adrianna Lima, the VS model, whom he loves.

Helping me to be the Sage to others that I am today, because I pretty much just repeat your advice to all the other girls I know.

You all rock my world, in a totally platonic way. And well frankly, making everyone jellus, that they don’t have a cadre, the trifecta of awesomeness, that I have.

P.S. All three of you better not bitch about me blogging about you now, okay, for real.

I'm like the younger, poorer, thinner Oprah. Thoughts on Life and Life Equations.

Only you know, better looking. Lately, I have found myself in the position of advisor on relationships for many many friends... which is hilarious considering I am not in a relationship. However, I have managed to pick up a few logical tips having dated thoroughly in college and witnessed my friends wreck themselves over completely unworthy people.

Oddly, enough though,most of my relationship advise is boldly based on logic and logic alone.

Por Emplo, it's not so much a good plan for you to not define what you want in a relationship and then completely disregard it or not communicate it. I need a touchy feely handholder, if I date a dude who is hands off, eventually I am gonna think "hey, he's just not that into me," and freak out, probably on him, and the poor dude is going to be "wtF". Men, are like the complete opposite of mind readers....whatever that is (uh maybe anti-mindreaders or unreaders). If you say, "hey, I'm okay' and you mean "why don't you love me enough to do x,y and z, and i feel fat and ugly and sad" Men still hear "hey, I'm okay" and that's assuming you have a good listner.

Also, boys are just as insecure and needy at times as girls... if your expecting him not to be, you probably are going to be dating a robot(in which case, run, because that is just scary) or someone who has another girlfriend, who he is insecure and needy with....

BUT finally, FINALLY... most importantly, sing it with me: MAYBE THEIR CRAZY, MAYBE THEIR CRAAAAAAAZY... Possibly...

Listen... crazy don't just show up one day.

Admit it, your dating a hot guy/ hot girl, and you knew she was crazy. you sensed it when she started naming her stuffed animals after your future children, you knew it when he memorized all your myspace friends and asked about EVERY freaking comment you left on there page. You knew it, and you didn’t get out, that's your fault. You wanna let someone treat you like crap... no one gonna stop them, it's on you. And if you are the crazy one, uh... don't call me, okay... cause that’s just creepy

Now for some Life Equations (this is where I reveal I have too much time on my hand)

The hotness of a girl (H) multiplied by 2 times her amount of insecurities (I), minus the length between her last relationship and the one your in(L), multiply the whole thing by her daddy issues(D)... equals the amount of crazy you are going to be dealing with.
ahem, it looks algebraically like this:

(H*2I-L)*D=CRAAAAAAAAAAZY.

example time: If Mary is pretty hot (8), she has 2 major insecurities but her last relationship was a couple of weeks ago... and her daddy left her and her mama when she was 11, for her step-mother, (issue level of 7) what is the amount of crazy you are dealing with
(8*2(2) - 0)* 7= Crazy level of DRUM ROLL PLEASE...224.

Now ideally, you want to date a girl who has less than 150 marking of crazy, that is reasonable... most sane girls are gonna range between 70 and 160. Let's face it, no girl is absolutely crazy free.... but still you wanna aim for as rational as possible.

Not so Much.

It is FREAKING SIX IN THE MORNING and I AM AWAKE.

DANG IT

So for you... a story involving Benn , My Roommate and Me.

Nope, nothing that interesting, sorry J!

It all started when Benn was out of town and talking to me via text message. Typically, when my roommate comes home we do the usual thing which is recap the night in one of our bedrooms before bed. Today, I noticed our phones were pretty much ringing in sync, which NEVER happens because we are on opposite schedules and pretty much have different groups of everyday friends. Apparently, Benn had been talking to both of us at the same time, which cracked us up. Not becuase he can't talk to and befriend both of us. But because no one has ever tried to use almost the exact same language between both of us at the same time. He was, as always, ALARMINGLY charming. He may have been trying to incite a fight to the death with my roomate. good think we love each other. It ended up being some weird 3 way text messaging bonanza, with me responding to things he wrote her and her responding to things he sent me from our individual phones. Just goes to show you boys shouldn't be left to their own devices in an airport.

I think Benn maybe the biggest flirt I know... period. He is one of those guys you have to think carefully before you take seriously- the man hasn't met a women he didn't flirt with. It is alarming that a man could charm you, your mama, and your neighbor and then convince you that you don't care. If he wasn't an animator, he could be a great gigolo.... While not all men can handle multiple women, i think Benn could easily handle a harem. Hopefully, he doesn't go get a harem after reading this... BENN, seriously, don't. The ladies of the world would cry.

Ennui

First, I would like to announce my new bonnie bell lip smackers ROCKS… it smells like tropical punch starburst and tastes like it too, it’s CANDY for the lips. Jellus???

Anyhow, today I went shoe shopping. It isn’t easy going shopping without back-up…. How the heck am I supposed to know if I am delusional if I don’t talk to a trusted friend about an outfit. Random girls can be nefarious and would sell you out in a heartbeat, never telling you that your new cute outfit makes you look chubby and slutty…NEVER a combination, but a trusted friend can steer you firmly on the track to cute. I was on a mission for some cute everyday flats… one, because I am already tall and don’t need everyday heels, and two, because even though I suppose I could, I would rather not wear flip-flops all fall and winter. Anyways, this trek took me all over Glendale and Eagle Rock as I selected and debated shoes via phone and picture message with Skip, Luz and Nori…I realized as I was doing all of this photo swapping and deep discussions on the merits of van like flats and baby pink flats, and of course hooker red flats, that being a girl is so freaking awesome. Because frankly if as a dude, you start calling all your friends discussing shirts, pants or the like, people either think you are Gay or Crazy… you don’t get lip smackers or to wear dresses or shop at VS, Sad.

Addendum- My friend Jason says that at least boys aren’t absolutely irrationally crazy.
Okay so story… apparently, my guy friend(s) from college are exceedingly irritated because they are tired of complimenting girls and either having the girl ignore it or disregard it. I understand his frustration, but seriously, J is a huge HUGE flirt. I have no idea how as a girl, you are supposed to tell the difference from a guy just being generally flirty or being flirting because they are actually attracted to you. Although PERHAPS if*** yet another of my genius plans as follows*** Men should have to wear Placcard disclaimers, declaring intent and major flaws….OR they could produce resumes and women could decide who to date fully informed. YAY. This of course wouldn’t work for girls, many lie to hide the crazy. Not me... but I know quite a few who do

I don’t do Sharing.

Yesterday, I spent a delightful afternoon/evening with my ex. Where we talked about everything going on in life, did some errands and acted silly in public, which is something I enjoy. I love him. Really, I do. I love him. But, I have decided he might just be crazy. Not boil your bunny crazy, but definitely approach with caution he may be two steps from snapping crazy.

Where o’where did this discovery come from, our discussion of “open” relationships. And how he thinks they are a great idea.

Somehow he and his girlfriend of 4 years, decided that they may need to explore there youth, but still stay together. Translation: If one of us meets someone else we should and could totally make out with them or go on a date with them… but then when we are together we will act like the girlfriend/boyfriend we have been for 4 years.

Uh, what? Look, I am totally down with dating many people at once. As we all know around here, casual dating is my thing. I mean in all seriousness, all I have to do once I get asked out on a date is look pretty and keep conversation up, which I can do. But once you decide to hop into the ol’committed saddle, YOU my friend are OFF the MARKET. Pretty much what “open” relationship means is that you have license to cheat. Now, with the fine wisdom that comes with maturing, with a greater sense of self (ha!) and even more relevant having watched most of the shows that were on the WB in the late nineties, I know this can only end in disaster.

Nothing says true love like: I want you, until I find someone I want better, and if I can’t find someone better than we should totally stay together.

I think I may swoon from the romance of it all.

I don’t know of any man that could handle their girlfriend of 4 years dating, doing anything with another guy. But, maybe this is now normal and I live in what my friend Benn calls, my “fairy tale” world. Lord knows, I don’t buy into half the crap they are selling as healthy for relationships, so it’s entirely possible that I am wrong. All, I know for sure, is that I would snap six ways from Sunday if my boyfriend of 4 years decided we should have an open relationship. Which won’t happen, I am not dating anyone for 4 years, if you don’t know within 4 years you wanna marry me, then you are NEVER going to know. The only open relationship I’m having is me opening the door and booting his ass out.

On a Serious Note. Somedays I wish I had a Giant Mean Boyfriend

I freaking HATE LA sometimes. Let’s set this up: Last night as I was driving home from church, blissfully singing along with Justin Timberlake, a large group of boys in a Mercedes decided it sounded like an excellent plan to follow me and play car games, which included trying to get me to swerve off the road, making kissy sounds at every light, and following me through Glendale and flashing there highbeams at me at every stoplight. Their HALOGEN WHITE highbeams, there by blinding me every 2 minutes.

Yeah, doesn’t that sound fun, try and bother the girl who is clearly panicked all through the city. I got to drive around Glendale for 15 minutes, until I pulled a Dukes of Hazard move and waited to they were super close, braked and put the car in reverse and sped down a back road.

Hooray, which brings me back to my initial point; I wish I had a giant mean boyfriend. One that wanted to punch mean boys that were awful to me… Like a good pair of black stilettos, every girl should have one…a big mean boyfriend that is.

In other news, I have declared myself tough for the weekend. I helped move a bed and I de-installed my air conditioning air unit ALL BY MYSELF. Sure I slit open at least 3 fingers and almost broke the window, but still all me. If you knew me well at all, you would know I don’t move stuff or fix things very well at all, so I am pretty excited… I am also currently covered in band-aids and am icing my foot, ankle and head. Fixing stuff is hard work.